It is everything I thought it would be and more. This fetish started out as a casual interest. I thought it would be fun to have my sub locked up now and then. But once I got a taste of what it was like, the occasional chaste sub wasn’t enough.  I love having that control over him. I own his cock. I love how he needs me to be able to use it. He can’t just go masturbate anytime he likes when he has the device on. I hold the key and my permission is needed before he is able to do anything with my cock.  He is kept chaste for long periods of time. This is no game. Not play. My slave has had a long time need for this but I am not into it only because it is a fetish of his and this is to please him. This is something I’ve realized I really want too. Independent of his desires. There is just one thing though……

I have a very healthy sex drive. b turns me on immensely. I can’t keep my hands off him. I get so turned on when he is wearing nothing but the device and his cuffs.  I want to fuck his brains out. BUT my want and desire to control him, stops me. Both needs in me are strong, but my need to control usually takes over. I get satisfaction out of his suffering for me. Hearing his moans when his desires escalate and the device gets tighter on him as I touch him and tease him.

Because of my sexual needs, b is not in permanent chastity, as in never being released. But he his chastity is for long periods of time. Months at a time. And when he is out, it’s only for as long as I get what I want from him, then he is locked back up again. I never knew I could be into this as much as I am.

I love giving funishments and even when my funishments can get truly sadistic at times, they are not for correctional purposes and b wants them. He wants to take them for me because he knows I enjoy it. Depending on the activity, he also gets a certain thrill out of it too. The pains or other sensations given and received comes from a good place in both of us.

Then there are punishments. Maybe this makes me a bad Master but I don’t like giving *real* punishments. I will give them if need be. I don’t expect there not to be any corrections or discipline needed ever. I know if I don’t give them, b will think he can get away with anything. He has also told me, if I do not correct him, it appears I’m not caring, not paying attention to him. I understand what he means. Still, he does so well by me, I don’t see this as an often occurrence.

It has been a little over a year now that I’ve had b. So far, there have been two punishments. The last time was harsher than the first. It was a punishment for something rather important. I admit, there were mixed feelings. For me, I was angry and disappointed ( in him). I was also uncomfortable giving a harsh punishment while at the same time knowing this was the right thing to do. It was important. Maybe now any other time may not feel as uncomfortable. From his side of things, I can’t speak for b, but I believe he had a mix of feelings when this was done as well.

Both funishment and punishment are parts of what an S/m are about. Funishment I’m so on it. Punishment, I’m still on a learning curve with. I know corrections will be needed. We both understand that.  I love my b. He loves to serve me. He serves me well. I am able to do many deliciously sadistic things to him. I couldn’t ask for a better slave.

The collaring and owning is a very important stage for me. Not that we weren’t in a committed before, but this makes a more solid, confirmed element in the relationship with b.. The non vanilla side of it. The commitment to me is similar to committing to a marriage. This is how serious I take this and a way I prove that indeed, I want b to always be mine, to always serve me, be my man, pet, toy, whatever I want him to be for me. It also means I will always take care of him, his physical and mental well being. To not take his submission to me for granted.

I am so proud b is mine. I think about him all the time. I beam when I think of all the things he is to me and all that he does. And as a side note, I don’t understand Dommes who have more than one sub or slave. One is not enough for them. They feel the need for different ones to fill different needs. Or they just like collecting s types. I gave no interest in collecting. That does nothing for me at all. I guess I’m lucky in that I found someone, one person who is everything to me.

This year, the holidays are going to be rather busy for me. It is a good busy with my husband and with b. Christmas will be split with me spending Christmas eve and morning with b . Christmas day will be with husband and his side of the family. There will be no shenanigans with b  during my Christmas stay with him. (Which is too bad since I can very easily see him all bound up in Christmas lights…..small, color, twinkle lights. Or maybe mummifying him in plastic wrap, duct tape and ribbon.) He has family that will be around and about. It will still be very good. I love his family. So, I’m happy doing the vanilla thing.

Besides, NewYear’s is going to be a different story. I will also be spending that time with b. But no family. Just him and me. It will be then, I’ll be able to to get into some really good (and evil) things. Gong to end this year, bring in the new year with a bang…..or thud or thwack or……*evil grin*

Merry Christmas and happy holidays everyone!

The B&B is located in a small town. It is in a lovely home run by by a woman and her partner/Master.  Both are friendly and warm people. The boy and I had the run of the downstairs which consisted of a cozy living room with a fireplace, a bathroom with a nice sized shower and bedroom. There are also two rooms of play equipment.

All the pieces were just wonderful. I would have needed more than two days to use all of them. The first to be used, was the spanking bench. Oh how nice it was to have my boy on something where I was able to have him strapped down on an all fours position. His ass and back had a good work out with my floggers.

Then there was the cross. An awesome cross built by the Master. It was also during this time of play, it was quite a special time. The boy was bound by his wrists and ankles. A blind fold over his eyes. Gag in his mouth. With whip, crop, cane, dragon tail, I started easy then really laid into him. Hearing his screams and moans through the gag, watching his body quiver was very yummy. The play resulted in sub space for my boy and other things that I won’t disclose here. I’ll just say it was a very moving experience……for both of us. (My boy, I do love you so.)

The entire weekend, we never left the place…..well, okay once, briefly when the boy went out to get beverages. Breakfasts were provided for us. We were well feed with good food. For lunches/dinners, we brought munchies.

I highly recommend this B&B. I would love to go there again. If anyone is interested in something like this, the website is here.

The relationship I have with my boy is based in M/s but it has become much more than that.  It is a richer, fuller relationship. It’s not limited to just the kink. We also share the vanilla parts of our lives. He is everything I could ask for.

I will say though, in my opinion, polyamory is not easy. Balancing two relationships is hard enough. I can’t begin to fathom how people with more, do it.  I want to spend as much time as possible with my boy, while also not being remiss with my husband. Sometimes I wish I could be in two places at once or clone myself so I don’t have to choose who to be with. I am lucky in that I have two very understanding men who respect each other know how important both of them are to me, what they mean to me. The time management stuff does get worked out.

It’s hard to find one great love in one’s life. I have two. For this, I also consider myself to be very lucky.

I see on online spaces Dom/mes would have honorifics in their names (example: Mistress Blah Blah, Master Yadda Yadda, Queen So and So, etc.). And/or they insist on being addressed (Online and in real time) by a title whether you are a submissive to them or not.

I suppose that is fine for them but that’s not me. I just feel, for me, that is a bit pretentious. When I’m out and about in kinky spaces, I’m okay either my screen name or my real name online. In real time, I simply go by my real name. When I was looking for a sub, I felt they probably had to call me something, so I chose *Mistress*. It just sounds like a good general title for a Dominant woman and yet doesn’t imply me thinking more of myself than who/what I am. That’s not to say that I don’t think highly of myself. I do, but in a down to earth way.

Now along comes my boy. It wasn’t long till he started referring to me as his lady. This was sweet. I liked it. It felt good hearing him say that. As our relationship progressed and grew, he has now taken to call me Master and on a few ocassions, his Queen. Because of how deep we have been becoming and knowing how he feels about me, it sounded right, coming from him. Anybody else calling me that, I still feel it’s inappropriate.

As for Master, this is a very interesting thing. From the D/s or even M/s standpoint, I’ve never, till now had any thoughts of having anything other than or beyond a sub/Domme relationship. As well, I wasn’t even sure what the difference between submissive and slave were, beyond often hearing/reading how a slave gives up all control. (Remember, I haven’t been at this very long.)

When my boy started thinking of me as his Master and him, my slave, I was taking aback at first. Not in a bad way. I was just shocked and wasn’t expecting it. I took some time to process this. Here is what I came to.

I do think my boy and I have grown beyond simply sub/Domme. We are getting much deeper and richer in our relationship. Something that means even more. This, is what I am believing to be in in the realm of M/s.  It is how I see it for us.  As I said earlier, this is still new to me, so this is an on going process for me right now. It is feeling good and feeling like a natural progression. The boy was a little worried I might have felt pressured. He needn’t worry. It feels, I feel fine. Very fine. *Smile*

There were many celebrations throughout the week. One I went to was a kinky play party. The special guest was Buck Angel. At midnight, he went up on stage and did a strip tease.  Throughout the stripping, he went into the audience, being provocative with various people. First time when he was passing me, he gave a tug to my hair. He came to me a second time. That time, we made out. (Okay, so it was really only a kiss with his tongue down my throat and groped my breasts that only lasted a minute) It was hot! So anyway…..after that, he got back on stage and finished his stripping. He then proceeded to fuck a dildo. Did I mention he is hot?

The weekend was marches, parties and parades. Friday evening was the Trans march. This year was the second one in Toronto. It was my first. The husband and I participated in it in support of trans friends and trans folks in general. The turnout was quite wonderful.

Saturday was the dyke march. This year, there was the regular dyke march and an alternative march, “Take Back The Dyke”. I chose to be in the alternative march. I don’t often get into things political, but I felt this was a important message.  Human rights have always been important to me.

Sunday was a big day. I had my boy with me and before we went to watch the parade/cheer husband on for marching, we stopped at Northbound Leather for a collar. Our relationship is turning out to be something  serious. While we want a symbol for this, we are not quite ready for the permanent/owned  collar step. A little more time is needed for that (I can certainly see the possibility of it happening down the road) . So this one, we are calling, a consideration  collar. I picked out for him a very basic but nice black leather collar. A couple of modifications are being done to it so we weren’t able to take it with us. It will be sent to me. I may have it in about a week. I’m really looking forward to when it comes and I am able to put it on my boy.

From there, he and I found a place to watch the parade from. It was a wonderful parade. I could have done without all the people campaigning for office  and the various corporate sponsors in it, but oh well. It was also a longer parade than in past years. As much as I love the Pride parade, I was also relieved when it was done. Oh and this was the boy’s first Pride parade. So that made it special and I was happy we shared it together.

By the way, that whole weekend was bloody hot. But I survived it fairly well. I always had bottles of water with me so I didn’t get dehydrated. Had my sunblock….although, still got a little sunburned on my shoulders. I stayed in shade as much as possible.

I love Pride for many reasons. This may be because I am older, but I am also happy it’s only once a year. It just wipes me out. I’ll be ready to do it again though, next year.

Now I am thinking about what to call him. Not so much a nickname for real time (although, who knows, that may come too.) purposes, but for this blog.

(Not seriously) I had thought of an alias, Wesley. A phrase he likes to use is, “As the lady wishes”. This reminds me of the movie, The Princess Bride and Wesley saying to Buttercup, “As you wish”.

I’m not going to call him pet. That would be confusing considering I referred to my last sub as pet. At first, I wasn’t to sure about calling him “boy”. This is a big man who is also 6’2″ and close to my age. But on a couple occasions, he has referred to himself as my boy and well, it sounded fitting.

I think I will try  “boy” on him awhile. See if it does fits. My boy……*smile*

Recently I was at a kinky play party. I ran into a Domme acquaintance I have haven’t seen in awhile. We talk, catch up on each other. She is there with her boy, her girl and a new sub she is mentoring.  Three guesses who this new sub was? You got it. The second sub that I got the “immoral” message from.

None of this was upsetting to me. I had/have no negative feelings towards this sub, nor my Domme friend. (In fact, I’ve always admired and had tons of respect for her.) I did get a little enjoyment from when he saw me and realized who I was, the regretful and pathetic looks he gave me. Hey, the boy made his choice.

Meanwhile, close to around the time this happened, I had started communications with someone. We have much in common. (vanilla as well as BDSM) Rapport is excellent. There have been phone calls and texting. There has been a first meeting. Another get together is planned for in a couple days. I don’t want to say much more for fear of jinxing. This one looks to have potential.