I Love being the small spoon.

I fit so perfect inside him.

This doesn’t make me lesser than.

This doesn’t make him more than.

I love being the small spoon.

Being nude right against him.

His arm holding me.

My tush lightly grazing his cock in the night.

I love being the small spoon.

Him holding a breast in his hand in his sleep.

His random whisper of “I love you” in my ear, in the dark.

I love being the small spoon.


Roughing it

There are a couple outdoor kink events that happen annually. For a couple years now, the boy and I have been wanting to experience one of them even though we are not really campers. Last summer, we finally got the chance. This was on a smaller scale than other events we knew of and we were excited to go.

When one says camping, it usually means tents, sleeping bags on the floor. Our camping was in a small cabin. Now, it did have the very bare basics. No refrigerator. Any food that was to be kept cold was kept in an ice chest we brought . Toilet was the ole “If it’s yellow, let it mellow. If it’s brown, flush it down”. However, flushing meant taking a bucket of water and pouring it down the toilet. But we didn’t come for the accommodations.

This was our chance to play in the forest,  in the great outdoors, nature! And we did! Imagine if you will, naked, dirty and bound to stakes in the ground. That was my boy and oh what I did to him……..

There were other activities done on that long weekend that included bondage and other delicious things.. I wish more were done involving trees and such. Well, that is what next time is for.

I really like the fact that the BDSM/kink community has munches. It’s a time to socialize with friends and gives the chance to make new ones. The munches range from small get togethers in coffee places to big turn outs in restaurants. Generally, they are all in “vanilla” spaces. Because of this, there are usually some rules for munch going people.

Since kinksters and ‘nillas are sharing, one rule is no fetish clothing. Wear regular street clothes. Collars though, are okay. Not long ago, b and I attended a munch. It’s one we have been to before. One of our fellow munchers shows up wearing a collar similar to this here. Now as I said above, munches are great for socializing with people you know and to meet new people. This because it is a relaxed atmosphere…..or it is intended to be. At least, that is my understanding. Collars we’ve seen at munches have been subtle, so there has been now problem in regards to staying under the radar as kinky in a vanilla space. But seeing this particular collar made b feel uncomfortable. To him, it was like a neon sign among our group saying, “Here are the kinky people”. He wasn’t cool with that at all. Some people don’t mind being “out”. Others do.

And then there are the ‘nillas who patronize these restaurants and pubs where munches are held who also probably don’t want to be around us BDSM/kink people. In turn, us being in full on fet gear is nonconsensually having the ‘nillas in our business. So the rules are for them as well as out. I understand this, even though it is a bummer we cannot co-exixt.

It is also because of this, we (b and I) find ourselves not being able to do much about this, except not to attend, which we really do not want to do. A discussion could be had on what is acceptable, but a lot of people will have many ideas about what is acceptable and we will just keep going round and round on it.

It would be nice if there were BDSM restaurants, (I’m not talking about play clubs) but there are not. So somehow, we (all of us) have to do something about this issue and make it work.

No masking here

One of so many reasons why I love b is because he is a big man. He is tall and big in size all over. (get your minds out of the gutter! That is not what I mean! ) There is just one teeny problem with that. We can’t buy off the rack (so to speak) much of the time for BDSM gear.  His collar was custom fit. It’s difficult finding wrist cuffs/ankle shackles. For a long time, I have wanted b to have a leather sensory deprivation hood but ones we have found are just stock made or expensive. I don’t mind buying an item that is a little pricey if it is quality made but when these are found online, it’s hard to really know. This leads me to the following rant

Niagra Falls isn’t real far from us, so there have been a few times now we’ve been there for a weekend. We love it there. b proposed to me there. So I see us going back more in the future. A  couple of times we have driven a little out of the way to the falls to go to a shop in Stratford. It has some nice BDSM/sex stuff. The people running it were nice to us. We bought a custom made gag there. It came a little late to us. We had to email a little nudge. But when we got it, it was wonderful. It fit well and it was good quality, so we let the lateness go.

On a recent trip we went there again and found out a custom mask could be made for b. We were thrilled! Measurements were taken of b’s head. We were told it would take four weeks. She would let us know when it’s being sent to us. We left the shop.

Four weeks go by and not a word. I wrote to ask how things are going.  She tells me she has been sick with the flu but is now working on the backed up orders. She would get to ours as soon as she can.  Well, a message, a phone call and five months later, we still have not heard a thing about the mask.

We got tired of chasing after this. Tired of having to nudge. It shouldn’t have to be this way. From what I observed, it seems this shop has a very small staff. If that is the case, then I understand work being backed up if  *the* person who creates and customizes is unavailable. My thinking would be then, hire another or don’t take on so much work if there is a chance you can’t keep up on it. In any case, we will not be buying from them. Not with the customer service we received.

Haiku for my ex

On Fetlife, there was a meme going around. It was “A haiku for my ex”. It was inspired by this

Some chose to write a haiku for one ex. Others chose to do it for more. I don’t usually do memes, especially om my blog. But I thought this was cute. I have decided my haikus would be on three of my female exes/women I’ve seen.

She loaned me her blue plaid pendleton shirt

I left lipstick kisses on her

Would it ever be more than fruit yogurt?


My mind was blown

Thank you for asshole in ASl

It might have all been innuendos and double entendres


Right off I was immersed in your spirit

Sexual energy doesn’t scare me

This dolphin will always be elusive


Going deep

I have been bad. I have been neglectful in keeping my blog up. It’s been a year since my last post. It has been a busy year. One of the reasons why it’s been busy is because there have been developments in the relationship with b and I. We are living together.

Our relationship had been getting deeper and needed more time and attention and living apart wasn’t taking care of those needs. We were getting deeper in love and needed more time and focus on the M/s aspects.

Since living together, everything is more consistent. This includes being more in service to me. I am able to act on my sadistic whims more freely and frequently. He is just more available to me, period. Even when we have to appear to family as vanilla a good part of the time, things like him doing the laundry, cooking, most of the cleaning and pampering me, it just looks like he is being very attentive partner.

There are still things I am working on. Such as treating him even more like a slave. It’s slow going implementing more rituals. It hasn’t been easy with life things happening making the work inconsistent. Thank goodness b and I are patient people. I see quite the future for us.

The weekend after Valentine’s day we got engaged. So, I must be doing something right.

Not just a bath

I am a water baby. I love water. I love to swim in and be around pools, hot tubs, rivers, lakes, the ocean. I have been known to stay in the shower till the hot water runs out. However, I do not like baths. Well, until the last year or more, I didn’t.  I loved the hot water and the bubble bath liquids. But I had trouble sitting still and relaxing for more that ten minutes. It didn’t help that that I am so short, when lying back, I barely reach the end of the tub with the tip of my toes.

Why am I rambling on about baths? Because now, for almost two years now, I love baths. This is all due to b. It is not just because it is a service he is giving me. He gives great attention to getting the water temperature  and level just right. He adds wonderful bubble bath. However, that’s not the entire reason bathing has been such a wonderful experience.

He washes my body. It is that simple and at the same time, more than that. It is the care he takes in every inch of my body.  The way he works the soapy sponge over me.  The intent is to clean.  Whether meant or not, there are times when the experience is also sensual. This is also  a time I feel great intimacy with b. Not just physical, but emotional as well. It is one of the gentle, loving ways we connect in power exchange.  It is one of many ways he shows me how he loves me, honors me and dedication to me. For me, It’s another way of being close, to feel I’m special to have that kind of attention. It is not a question of am I deserving of it. It’s the fact, he is the one that is giving me that attention and service. All the time he is proving to me, he is the one for me. The one I call Mine.

So, after all that being said, I now love baths. But I don’t like them by myself. Baths are always better with b.